Advice of a Lifetime

The other day while talking to my mother, she hesitated in giving me an advice, thinking I would reprehend her opinion. I quickly affirmed her that I wouldn’t want nothing more and that her advice was deeply appreciated. It got me thinking of the value of advices and how this unmeasurable gift has been deflated as of lately. In many societies advices is a pass of knowledge from the elderly to their younger generation. Growing up advices from the elderly were like revelations and the outcome would be whether on not you took the advice. If anyone knows me well than they know that I have a dictionary worth of advices. If a friend approached me with any problem than rest assure that I would throw an advice at her.

Until one day, I had a brutal awakening, I had made a check up call for one of my family members. In the capeverdean culture it is a tradition to call one another “ingrata” when someone hasn’t followed up or given any news in a while. We affirmed to each other that we’ve been busy and life has take it’s course, but than she punched me with a brutal confession. She had admitted that the reason why she didn’t call was because she knew that I would give her a million advices and that she wasn’t up to it. It made me wonder if this is how everyone had felt when I had given them advices.

Since that awakening, I’ve restricted my advices but more importantly I reflected on the advices I was giving. I kept wondering if I was following the advices I was giving. If not, I was being a hypocrite and sounded like a know-it-all. My reflection let me to questions whether I was humble, has my advice been tested or did it just serve me and my ego.

In the name of being nostalgic towards sincere, authentic and raw advice, I wish to pass down 5 advices that I’ve learned through people and experiences.

1. No one can take your education away from you.

My mentor is college reassured the importance of education by telling me that you can loose any material possessions in this world, whether it’s your car, house and even loved one but your education once you have it no one can take it away from you.

2. You will attract bees with honey.

My mother would always tell me what I couldn’t believe myself, which was my inner beauty but due to my insecurities I wouldn’t smile much which would give others the impression that I was stuck up. She would always emphasize that I should smile more. Now I know that in Islam, a smile is a form of charity.

3. Never talk negatively about your mother to your husband.

I wished that I had followed my grandmother’s advice when she told me when your mother hurts you, you will always forgive her but your husband will not. This is so true, my mother’s shortcoming are without hesitation forgiven but never by the husband.

4. Treat others the same way you like to be treated.

This is probably the most universal and common advice, however, it can be easily overlooked when biases are involved. Most people start off respectful towards one another but as soon as someone crosses their boundaries or starts to treat you in away that is displeasing, then many of us including me, begin to mimic other’s disrespectful actions. It takes a lot of strength to still keep a respectful attitude if and when others are not. Furthermore, I have learnt that being respectful is all about what you are and not just want you show to other when conditions are met.

5. If you want to educate your children than start with yourself.

This advice I learnt from a phycologist on YouTube when I had reached a point of desperation in my motherhood. For the past 4 years of motherhood, I was educating my kids from ignorance based on what my parents had taught me. There is nothing wrong about teaching your kids what was taught to us by our parents but in the era of information, everyone one should question and reaffirm our teachings with evidence. When I was seeking knowledge about parenthood, I understood why I was burnt out and what caused it. I did not like my parenthood style and I was a resentful mother. I am not saying that I don’t have hard days, in fact, I feel the more my kids grow up the harder it gets. I still haven’t figured out parenthood but I believe that knowledge is ever-evolving and it’s a continuous life journey

Today is what we have and the only thing we can work with.

Yesterday was gone and tomorrow isn’t here yet.

“Don’t Be Said” by Dr. Aidh Al Qarni

I would love to know what piece of advice that you cherish to this day!

I linked the book down below if you are interesting in reading loath amount of practical advices and steps towards living a content, peaceful and satisfying life.

(This is an affiliated link)

8 responses to “Advice of a Lifetime”

  1. Dear Andrea! I can’t tell you how thrilled I was to see that you’d visited my blog. You and I have sort of lost track of one another. I value you as a blogging friend, so it’s always good to hear from you. How have you and your family been? I hope you’ve been all right throughout the Covid pandemic. Except for a broken leg and blood clot in my lung last year, I’m doing all right. I know you have a very busy life there with young children, so I don’t expect you to answer unless it’s convenient for you to do so. Take care of yourself. Thank you for coming back to my blog!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. It’s me again, Andrea. I forgot to share advice I’ve been given. I smiled when I read number one on your list. When I was in college, I felt overwhelmed and hopeless. I called home to talk to my parents. My father said to me, “It’s important to get a good education. That’s something no one can take away from you.” When I would get anxious or start dreading something I knew was coming up, my mother would say, “Take one day at a time.” She also often said, “Stand on your own two feet!” One piece of advice a very old woman gave me when I was about 10 years old was, “Learn all you can about as many things as you can.”

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh wow it’s incredible that we grew up with the same advice towards education. I loved the old lady’s advice, I will take it into account. I think learning keeps the heart young and healthy. Thank you so much Janet for sharing this advice. =)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, I couldn’t believe my eyes when I read that you’d been given the exact same advice about education!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Hi Janet, you are the first one I think of when I right a post of my blog and I have to go and see if you are also active on here. I am glad that despite the health challenges you went through you are doing alright. My kids do take up a lot of my time but work is more consuming. We are on vacation and I’ve been wanting to blog for a while. I am happy to have caught up with you a little. I hope all is well. Hugs and kisses from Egypt!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh, Andrea, that is so sweet. I enjoy keeping in touch with you once in a while, but I know you’re very busy. I’ll be glad to have a word from you any time you have the chance. I finally finished a draft of my historical novel. I’ve hired a professional editor to critique the first 50 pages of it and hope she’ll get back to me soon. So keep watching my blog. I’ll report in my blog about the feedback she gives me. I’m nervous and excited at the same time!


      1. Oh, how wonderful! I’m very excited for you! I can’t wait to know more about the novel. I love historical novel. I wish you all the lick in the world!


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