Advice of a Lifetime

The other day while talking to my mother, she hesitated in giving me an advice, thinking I would reprehend her opinion. I quickly affirmed her that I wouldn’t want nothing more and that her advice was deeply appreciated. It got me thinking of the value of advices and how this unmeasurable gift has been deflated as of lately. In many societies advices is a pass of knowledge from the elderly to their younger generation. Growing up advices from the elderly were like revelations and the outcome would be whether on not you took the advice. If anyone knows me well than they know that I have a dictionary worth of advices. If a friend approached me with any problem than rest assure that I would throw an advice at her.

Until one day, I had a brutal awakening, I had made a check up call for one of my family members. In the capeverdean culture it is a tradition to call one another “ingrata” when someone hasn’t followed up or given any news in a while. We affirmed to each other that we’ve been busy and life has take it’s course, but than she punched me with a brutal confession. She had admitted that the reason why she didn’t call was because she knew that I would give her a million advices and that she wasn’t up to it. It made me wonder if this is how everyone had felt when I had given them advices.

Since that awakening, I’ve restricted my advices but more importantly I reflected on the advices I was giving. I kept wondering if I was following the advices I was giving. If not, I was being a hypocrite and sounded like a know-it-all. My reflection let me to questions whether I was humble, has my advice been tested or did it just serve me and my ego.

In the name of being nostalgic towards sincere, authentic and raw advice, I wish to pass down 5 advices that I’ve learned through people and experiences.

1. No one can take your education away from you.

My mentor is college reassured the importance of education by telling me that you can loose any material possessions in this world, whether it’s your car, house and even loved one but your education once you have it no one can take it away from you.

2. You will attract bees with honey.

My mother would always tell me what I couldn’t believe myself, which was my inner beauty but due to my insecurities I wouldn’t smile much which would give others the impression that I was stuck up. She would always emphasize that I should smile more. Now I know that in Islam, a smile is a form of charity.

3. Never talk negatively about your mother to your husband.

I wished that I had followed my grandmother’s advice when she told me when your mother hurts you, you will always forgive her but your husband will not. This is so true, my mother’s shortcoming are without hesitation forgiven but never by the husband.

4. Treat others the same way you like to be treated.

This is probably the most universal and common advice, however, it can be easily overlooked when biases are involved. Most people start off respectful towards one another but as soon as someone crosses their boundaries or starts to treat you in away that is displeasing, then many of us including me, begin to mimic other’s disrespectful actions. It takes a lot of strength to still keep a respectful attitude if and when others are not. Furthermore, I have learnt that being respectful is all about what you are and not just want you show to other when conditions are met.

5. If you want to educate your children than start with yourself.

This advice I learnt from a phycologist on YouTube when I had reached a point of desperation in my motherhood. For the past 4 years of motherhood, I was educating my kids from ignorance based on what my parents had taught me. There is nothing wrong about teaching your kids what was taught to us by our parents but in the era of information, everyone one should question and reaffirm our teachings with evidence. When I was seeking knowledge about parenthood, I understood why I was burnt out and what caused it. I did not like my parenthood style and I was a resentful mother. I am not saying that I don’t have hard days, in fact, I feel the more my kids grow up the harder it gets. I still haven’t figured out parenthood but I believe that knowledge is ever-evolving and it’s a continuous life journey

Today is what we have and the only thing we can work with.

Yesterday was gone and tomorrow isn’t here yet.

“Don’t Be Said” by Dr. Aidh Al Qarni

I would love to know what piece of advice that you cherish to this day!

I linked the book down below if you are interesting in reading loath amount of practical advices and steps towards living a content, peaceful and satisfying life.

(This is an affiliated link)